The YoungMommies.com's Newbie F.A.Q. (Frequently Asked Questions) File

Last Update: April 2006

Q- What makes YoungMommies.com so different from the other teen mom support sites out there?
A- The first thing that makes YM so different is that we were one of the first websites out there created to support young moms. We also have many features that set us apart from the rest, including a set of YM Guidelines that ensure our discussion areas are as secure and supportive as possible for our members. We also have a Mandate & Pledge that respects young moms from all walks of life, and at any point in their lives as parents. We are the only site out there (to our knowledge) that supports and welcomes both pro-life and pro-choice moms and does not allow discrimination on a political level, or towards any minority group. We are a queer-positive site, we celebrate the diversity of ethnicity and race, we are a very pro-woman/pro-wimmin site. Add to that the fact that we're 100% non-profit and run by volunteers, that we're Canadian-based, and that we're run by and for young moms or moms that used to be young moms, and there's no question that we're the most unique site out there for young mothers!

Family:
DD, DS = dear daughter, dear son
DSD, DSS = dear step-daughter, dear step-son
DA = dear angel
Bson, Bdaughter, Bmom = birth daughter, birth son, birth/bio mom
SO = significant other
GF, BF = girlfriend, boyfriend (or breastfeeding, depending on the context!)
DH = dear husband (or dumb husband, depending on the context!)
MIL, FIL, BIL, SIL = mother/father/brother/sister in-law

Health:
GP = general practitioner (doctor)
NP = nurse practitioner
Rx = prescription
Tx = treatment
Dx = diagnosis
AF = aunt flo (your period)
M/C , MC, misc. = miscarriage
PG, preggos = pregnant (pregnancy)
HPT = home pregnancy test
EDD = expected date of delivery (expected due date)
BC, BCP = birth control, birth control pill
DP = depo provera (the shot birth control)
STD = sexually transmitted disease

Chat:
BRB = be right back
WB = welcome back
TY = thank you
NP = no problem
*G* = grin
GTG, G2G = got to go

Q- What is the QOTW?
A- QOTW stands for Question of the Week, and it is generally posted each weekend by either the group moderator or a designated group member (if a QOTW rotation has been set up by that particular group). Don’t feel as though you have to answer the QOTW each and every week, but it’s a fun way to get involved with your group, find out things about your fellow group members, and let them get to know you as well, so jump in with your answers if you can!

Q- What makes them different from the other online groups I’ve seen?
A- Although we are sure there are plenty of good online discussion groups for young/teen mothers out there on the internet, we also know the YM Communities are among the very best. We offer a very secure and supportive atmosphere for moms. Our extra security measures and our community guidelines mean that only real moms (no “fakers”), participating moms (no “lurkers”), and moms who follow appropriate “netiquette” (no “spammers”, “flamers”, etc.) are members of the e-mail groups and are present in our weekly chats. We also combine the “best of both worlds” when it comes to group size. We have smaller groups with more specific topics so that moms can feel very connected to a handful of individuals and aren’t overwhelmed with too much e-mail, but we also allow moms in one of those small groups to access a large network of other young moms through our weekly all groups chat and Community Newsletters. This large network currently consists of approximately 250 mommies!

Q- How are they set up and managed?
A- The Communities are set up through YahooGroups, a website with services that manage group e-mails. They allow us to send e-mail to one address (“groupname”@yahoogroups.com) in order to reach the people who have joined the list. Although we could just have a mailing list that we send out with people’s e-mail addresses, running it through YahooGroups makes things much easier to organize. When people leave the group, we don’t need to e-mail everyone and ask them to change their address books, for example.
A- In a non-technical sense, the Communities are set up so that a group of members (about 5-35 depending on the group) talk to each other about various topics, with the assistance of a group Moderator (1-4 mods per group) and the Coordinators. The Community Coordinators are responsible for the management of the groups, and make sure that everything goes smoothly.

Q- Why did I need to agree to the Guidelines before I joined?
A- In themany years that the Communities/groups have been around, we’ve had numerous problems with members and outsiders, and learning from all these situations led to the creation of the Community Guidelines to try to guard against them. We’ve found that all these negative experiences really hurt the “spirit” of the group, and were uncomfortable/sad/distressing for all the moms who were genuinely seeking support. For example, before we had restricted membership, males and other non-moms would join the groups, read our posts, and then unsubscribe, or post a “spam” advertisement message, which felt like an invasion of our privacy. With the Guidelines in place, these situations virtually never happen.

Q- What happens if someone breaks a guideline?
A- The Coordinators are informed when a group member breaks a guideline and they decide what to do about it on a case-by-case basis. This means what happens will depend on the mom, the group, the type of guideline that has been broken, etc. What usually happens is that the mom who has broken a guideline is given a reminder that she is done so, and is reminded that if she continues to break guidelines, she will be unsubscribed from the group(s) she is in.

Q- Can I join more than one group?
A- We recommend that you start out with only one group because some of the groups generate a good deal of e-mail and in our experience, moms who try to do too much all at once just become overwhelmed and unfortunately, they sometimes end up leaving the groups. If you are a member of a quiet group, or you are really interested in becoming a part of more than one group after you’ve been a member for a while, you are welcome to join other groups as well! We recommend that you join a maximum of 2-3 groups, but you are welcome to join however many groups you would like.

Q- What are the different ways I can be involved in the Communities?
A- Once you’ve been a member of the Communities for a while, you can volunteer your time to help out in their management and activities. Group Moderators help the members feel comfortable and happy by keeping the group going with regular and helpful conversation and support. The Newsletter Team helps gather birthdays and other important news and updates from the mom to combine them into a newsletter. Other moms help out with special Community events like card, gift and/or picture exchanges.

Q- What sort of things do we talk about in the group?
A- You are welcome to talk about anything that is on your mind in the group, not just what the groups’ topic is (e.g. if you are in Young Pregnant Mommies, you don’t need to limit yourself to discussing only your pregnancy!). Feel free to ask questions to your group members, start conversations, etc.

Q- Which topics of conversation are not appropriate to talk about?
A- Conversations which violate the community guidelines are the only things that are off-limits within the groups. This includes anything that is hurtful/disrespectful towards another person, chain mail, hoax mail, spam, advertising something for yourself or someone else.

Q- How much e-mail can I expect per day/week?
A- This varies from group to group as well as from month to month, but if you visit the group’s page at Yahoogroups.com, and look at the little chart that shows the amount of posts per month, you will get a good idea of how many posts per week. This amount does vary quite a bit as well (sometimes a group will have a busy month and post over 1000 posts and the next month they will go back down to their average 700), but it does give you a ballpark idea of whether the group you’ve chosen is a quiet group or a busy group.

Q- Now that I’m in the group, how do I post a message?
A- Now that you are a member, you will need to post an introduction within one week so that other moms will know you have joined. Your first message needs to be an introduction to the group. You can post your introduction to groupname@yahoogroups.com (e.g. if you are in Young Single Mommies, you would post to YSMCommunity@yahoogroups.com). It will then be approved by your moderator (please allow at least 24 hours for your first message to go through), and then once it has been approved, you will be placed on “unmoderated” setting, which means no further messages of yours will need approval.

Q- What is the difference between the “posts” and the “chats”?
A- Regular posting happens anytime between all group members via e-mail messages that are sent through the group. This means one message can be written on a Wednesday and replied to on a Thursday by another member. The weekly chats take place specifically in our members-only chatroom and happen in “real time” (i.e. whatever you type is seen by the other moms present in chat and they can reply right away). Combining both posting and chats help moms really get to know each other well and get the support they need.

Q- I use an e-mail service with Junk/Bulk mail folders, how do I make sure I get the group mail?
A- If your group mail is being sent to the Junk/Bulk mail folder, you need to set your filters to make sure your group mail gets to your inbox. Go to your settings/options to find your “filters”, and set it so that mail containing the word “community” in the subject line is automatically filtered into your inbox or a folder of your choice.

If this were a perfect world, a new mom would immediately feel “at home” in the group she has joined and would have no problems adjusting to the group… However, we don’t live in a perfect world, so here are some answers to potential difficulties that a new mom to the groups may encounter…

Problem: I am finding there are way too many messages to keep up with!
Possible solutions:
1. Wait and see- The level of activity tends to vary over time, and some groups can have very busy periods before settling back down to a more regular level. If you wait a little while, maybe the group will become less busy.
2. Switch to a quieter group- Each group has a different level of activity, with some groups being extremely quiet (a handful of messages per week) to extremely busy (over 100 messages per week). If you’re finding it hard to keep up with the group you are currently in, maybe you would prefer a quieter group. E-mail the coordinators and ask them which group they would recommend based on how much e-mail you are prepared to receive each week.
3. Take a break – notify your moderator that you are taking a “leave of absense” from the group for a while if life is getting too busy for you. You can choose to either go “no mail” or to leave the group. You will always be welcome back at another time. Please note that if you remain in the group that you must still reply to at least the monthly roll call.

Problem: I am having a problem with one of the group members.
Possible solutions:
1. Talk to that mom directly offlist – Maybe this mom does not know that what she is saying is bothering you in some way. Sending her a quick message offlist to let her know “hey, what you said the other day was offensive to me because…” may be all that is necessary.
2. Talk to your group moderator – Your group mod is there to help things run smoothly, and she can send a message to the other group member on your behalf to let her know there’s an issue that needs to be worked out. Also, if what the other member is doing is in clear violation of the Community Guidelines, your group moderator will let the Community coordinators know so that they can talk to that member about her inappropriate actions.
3. Confront the issue on the list – respectful debates of opinions are welcome on the lists, so make a point in your defense and diplomatically state why you think what another mom said may not be the case for everyone.

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