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for now that’s enough

March 9th, 2015 . Posted in blogging/internet, by Taylor, day-to-day life, food for thought, teen pregnancy & parenting, vent/rant, women | No Comments »

“Where’s my daddy?”

The three words I dread the most. The one question I will never have an answer for. It always seems to come on our roughest days, because he knows he needs more than I can provide, because he knows my weaknesses, because there are traits he didn’t inherit from me that I am clueless about, because sometimes you just need your dad, because there are some things that are inherently male that I will never understand.

Three little words encompass my greatest fears. Getting pregnant at 17 was scary but I knew I could love, provide and care for my child. Motherhood didn’t scare me, finding the words to explain to my child why he didn’t get a daddy, now that was terrifying. How do you explain to a child that his dad was nothing more than a child himself, that his dad wasn’t lucky enough to have the supportive family I did, that his dad was scared of the things he thought he could never provide? How do you explain that its okay to be mad and sad and confused about the whole thing? Without downplaying what happened to him and how he feels about it, without letting him think a father abandoning his child is okay, without making him feel like its his fault?

At first it was simple, he lives far away, he works alot, he loves and misses you. Now he is in school, and he will see other kids with parents who live out of town and work alot and who still see their dads. He sees people with not only dads but step dads too. Now he has learning to ask for him in another language.

“Ou est mon papa?”

How do I put aside my anger and frustration, my hurt and abandonment, and calmly rationally explain to my son why he has noone around to call dad. Because once upon a time I thought I was in love and we would in this together and now I’m here making excuses for your cowardness while you make jokes about how scary the words “I’m late” are as if you have any idea about half the responsibilities I have.

My initial reaction probably looks like I have just been slapped, and I quickly try to regain my composure, “He lives far away remember baby?”. For the moment he is appeased, for the moment that is enough, for the rest of our night nothing is different and yet he needs extra snuggles tonight, extra reassurance.

“You’re my best friend, je t’aime maman”

And for now that’s enough.

Teen/Young Mom Tag

January 26th, 2015 . Posted in by Taylor, Meet the Mommy, relationships/marriage/dating, teen pregnancy & parenting, women | No Comments »
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Hey everyone!

Sorry I have been so MIA, life has been crazy and I hit writers block but I have a plan for a weekly blog for the next year! To get things started I’m doing the teen/young mom tag!

1. How old were you when you got pregnant?

I was 17 when I got pregnant, 18 when I became a mother.

2. What were your career plans before you got pregnant?

Before I got pregnant I wanted to be a teacher; since having my son I’ve realised this is not a realistic goal because there are no teaching jobs right now.

3. What are your career plans now?

I’m looking into a career in accounting.

4. Were you/are you with the baby’s father?

I was with my son’s father when I got pregnant but we broke up shortly after. We agreed that he wasn’t capable of being who my son needed him to be, he knew that I would be an amazing mom and could handle things while he took the time to grow up. So I filed for and won sole custody when my son was a few weeks old and have been doing it solo ever since.
5. Do you live with your parents?

We did live with my mom for the first 2 years but we’ve mostly been on our own since then.

6. What is the hardest part of being a “teen mom” aside from financial struggles?

The hardest part about being a young mom by far is not getting the time to find yourself, your teens and young adult life should be all about experiences : travelling, concerts, plays, education, dating, friends, family etc… Trying to juggle raising another human especially alone while discovering who you are, is nearly impossible.
7. Do you work?

I do! I’ve been blessed enough to have a job 30 hours a week, it allows me to be there to put my son on the bus and pick him up off the bus after school every day. I always dreamed of being a stay at home mom and my current job allows me to experience the best of both worlds!
8. How many friends do you have now compared to before?

We moved 5 hours away when my son was 2.5, before that I had a lot of friends with kids the same age as my son, now I have a few great friends who are supportive but I mostly see them on nights my son goes to my moms.
9. Is your family closer now because of your situation?

We were fairly close to begin with, but we actively try not to argue anymore because my son deserves to have a family who supports each other.
10. Do you wish you have waited/want other girls to be more careful?

This is a really hard question for me, I wasn’t on the best path when I got pregnant and having my son made me grow up and put my life back on track. If I could have learned the lessons I did when I learned them, and be able to have the same little boy just older and  in a more stable situation I would.  I would definitely encourage other girls to wait until they are in a stable situation with a supportive family and partner, an education, a job, a house and a car or two.
11. Name one misconception people have of most teen mothers?

People often assume we are irresponsible, I made one irresponsible decision that has led me to a lifetime of being incredibly responsible!
12. Do you think Teen Mom and 16 and Pregnant glorifies teen parenthood?

I don’t think they glorify teen parenthood per say, but it is a television show and doesn’t portray life for all young parents. I certainly don’t have that much drama in my life.
13. How has your body changed from pregnancy?

Before I had my son I had a super metabolism, I could eat whatever I pleased and be super lazy and never gain a pound. That changed when I stopped breastfeeding, I’ve put on some weight but I just started working at getting my body back!


14. Do you plan to have more children? When?

I would love to, but only if I met the perfect guy and we were both ready for another child and I was sure my son wouldnt feel left out or replaced.
15. What is one thing you wish you knew before you got pregnant?

I wish I knew how hard being a single parent truly is, I wish I knew how hard I would struggle and that having a child the way I did has made my son miss out on things and it breaks my heart.


Life as a married mommy

February 18th, 2013 . Posted in bySarrahbaby, relationships/marriage/dating, vent/rant, women | No Comments »
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So as you all know I am married to David. Now, for some people when you have children that is what you are; a mom. Some people forget that they are wives, or significant others as well. So I have decided to write about how I feel as a wife and how I feel things have changed. I have been married to David for 3 years as of April 10th. When we first met in 2008 he was so affectionate. He wanted to sit next to me and cuddle. I would get compliments on my eyes or how nice I looked. I could lay down with him and watch a movie. Nowadays I have to go up and hug and kiss him; I have to ask if I can lay on the couch with him and then I have to hear him complain (he says its a joke) and be uncomfortable; if I dress up or do my hair and make up just to do it I get asked why I did it not get told how nice I look; I never hear how nice my eyes are or any type of compliments. What I am trying to say is that I miss the new relationship feeling and everything that comes with it. I do not know what to do about this. I keep telling David he is not very affectionate. I keep asking David to be nicer and/or more affectionate. I get none of this. I do not think he understands that I am serious. I just do not know how to tell him I want the new relationship feeling when we are not in a new relationship. I do not want him to think that I want to be in a new different relationship. I just feel so lost and alone right now. I never thought I would feel so alone being married. What to do? I am writing this to reach out to other married mothers or mothers in serious relationships. How do you balance your relationship and children? How do you keep the romance alive with children? It is like ever since we had children it is no big deal to be affectionate. It makes me sad.

growing Taylor

December 23rd, 2012 . Posted in by Taylor, education, teen pregnancy & parenting, women, work/career | 1 Comment »

My entire life whenever I thought about what kind of mother I wanted to be I knew I wanted to stay home with my kids until my youngest went into kindergarten. I wanted to be the mom who volunteered at her kids school, drove them everywhere, made every meal from scratch and had dinner on the table in a spotless house when my husband came home from work all while raising a handful of beautiful polite children. Having my son early changed things slightly, I hadn’t yet finished high school and I had no husband to support us. I knew to be able to give my son the kind of life I wanted for him when he was 6 weeks old I started attending school with him in daycare down the hall. It was the most amazing compromise and I was very happy with my decision. Unfortunately for reasons beyond my control that stopped being an option when my son was about 7 months old. (I will do a blog about this later)  It was pretty disappointing but I was secretly thrilled I’d be able to spend my whole day devoted to my sweet little boy! Over the next year I tried to go back to school several times but could not stand leaving him. I was very blessed to have amazing family support that allowed me to stay home with him.

I thoroughly enjoyed doing nothing but raising my son for the next year and a half, but shortly after his second birthday I knew it was time for a change. I had completely lost myself in my motherhood, I referred to myself mommy in public without even realizing it several times, I had no outside life I spent 24 hours a day 7 days a week alone with my son and you could tell. I was going stir crazy, my brain was turning to mush and I desperately needed some adult (non mom) interaction.  I applied for my local college and was accepted! I was beyond excited, I was finally taking the steps needed to be able to provide for myself and my son! Yet something still didn’t feel quite right, I was having an awful time finding a daycare I trusted. On a whim I decided to apply for college in the city I grew up in, 5 hours from my current city, 5 hours from my mom, and 5 hours from my mommy friends! I was accepted, and found a preschool there I loved instantly! It truly seems meant to be 🙂
My son will be two and a half January 16th, January 7th I start college. I am thrilled to be able to learn more about who I am as a person,  if I don’t take this time to grow into myself I don’t know how I will be able to help Grayson grow into anyone. I know it will be hard to leave my son but I am no good to him unless I take the time to work on myself. I have a long road ahead of me, 4.5 years of being a single momma in college. I am terrified but it feels right. I can’t wait to see who I become!

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