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for now that’s enough

March 9th, 2015 . Posted in blogging/internet, by Taylor, day-to-day life, food for thought, teen pregnancy & parenting, vent/rant, women | No Comments »

“Where’s my daddy?”

The three words I dread the most. The one question I will never have an answer for. It always seems to come on our roughest days, because he knows he needs more than I can provide, because he knows my weaknesses, because there are traits he didn’t inherit from me that I am clueless about, because sometimes you just need your dad, because there are some things that are inherently male that I will never understand.

Three little words encompass my greatest fears. Getting pregnant at 17 was scary but I knew I could love, provide and care for my child. Motherhood didn’t scare me, finding the words to explain to my child why he didn’t get a daddy, now that was terrifying. How do you explain to a child that his dad was nothing more than a child himself, that his dad wasn’t lucky enough to have the supportive family I did, that his dad was scared of the things he thought he could never provide? How do you explain that its okay to be mad and sad and confused about the whole thing? Without downplaying what happened to him and how he feels about it, without letting him think a father abandoning his child is okay, without making him feel like its his fault?

At first it was simple, he lives far away, he works alot, he loves and misses you. Now he is in school, and he will see other kids with parents who live out of town and work alot and who still see their dads. He sees people with not only dads but step dads too. Now he has learning to ask for him in another language.

“Ou est mon papa?”

How do I put aside my anger and frustration, my hurt and abandonment, and calmly rationally explain to my son why he has noone around to call dad. Because once upon a time I thought I was in love and we would in this together and now I’m here making excuses for your cowardness while you make jokes about how scary the words “I’m late” are as if you have any idea about half the responsibilities I have.

My initial reaction probably looks like I have just been slapped, and I quickly try to regain my composure, “He lives far away remember baby?”. For the moment he is appeased, for the moment that is enough, for the rest of our night nothing is different and yet he needs extra snuggles tonight, extra reassurance.

“You’re my best friend, je t’aime maman”

And for now that’s enough.

The Feeling of Disappointment.

April 13th, 2013 . Posted in teen pregnancy & parenting, vent/rant | 2 Comments »

Walking through the mall I received several glares and stares, which is quite normal for me being young while pushing one baby in a stroller and carrying the other one pretty low on my body. But one look in particular hit a nerve. An older woman gave me a look that could have killed me several times over. Moments like this make me think, “Am I having a REALLY bad hair day, or is she disgusted with the fact that I am a young mom, or both?”

I can easily admit that often I ponder what my life would have been like without being a young mom but often times I get very depressed when exploring my options because although I wouldn’t have to worry as much about financial troubles, I would never have gotten to have that life changing moment of experiencing that feeling of accomplishing the wonderful miracle of bringing a life into the world, a life that will love you and rely on you.

So after the old lady had struck a nerve, I had to so kindly say out loud for everyone walking past to hear “Could you make any more of a nasty look when walking past two young parents that are just trying to take their child on a nice walk through the mall to experience social interaction from the NICE people pf the community?”

I would not have changed my life, as I would not have such a wonderful person to share it with 🙂

Life as a married mommy

February 18th, 2013 . Posted in bySarrahbaby, relationships/marriage/dating, vent/rant, women | No Comments »
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So as you all know I am married to David. Now, for some people when you have children that is what you are; a mom. Some people forget that they are wives, or significant others as well. So I have decided to write about how I feel as a wife and how I feel things have changed. I have been married to David for 3 years as of April 10th. When we first met in 2008 he was so affectionate. He wanted to sit next to me and cuddle. I would get compliments on my eyes or how nice I looked. I could lay down with him and watch a movie. Nowadays I have to go up and hug and kiss him; I have to ask if I can lay on the couch with him and then I have to hear him complain (he says its a joke) and be uncomfortable; if I dress up or do my hair and make up just to do it I get asked why I did it not get told how nice I look; I never hear how nice my eyes are or any type of compliments. What I am trying to say is that I miss the new relationship feeling and everything that comes with it. I do not know what to do about this. I keep telling David he is not very affectionate. I keep asking David to be nicer and/or more affectionate. I get none of this. I do not think he understands that I am serious. I just do not know how to tell him I want the new relationship feeling when we are not in a new relationship. I do not want him to think that I want to be in a new different relationship. I just feel so lost and alone right now. I never thought I would feel so alone being married. What to do? I am writing this to reach out to other married mothers or mothers in serious relationships. How do you balance your relationship and children? How do you keep the romance alive with children? It is like ever since we had children it is no big deal to be affectionate. It makes me sad.

Ridiculous Young Mommies

February 9th, 2011 . Posted in teen pregnancy & parenting, vent/rant | No Comments »

I am so tired of hearing young moms complain about how much they have had to give up and how much their life sucks. If your child is not enough to make you happy then what is. Look into that beautiful face and tell me that you don’t smile. Yea I may wish I could go out more and do more things a normal 20 year old would do but guess what I AM NOT A NORMAL 20 YEAR OLD AND YOU ARE NOT A NORMAL YOUNG PERSON WHEN YOU HAVE A CHILD GET OVER IT!! I understand that its aggravating sometimes. I have been diagnosed with Anxiety and Postpartum Depression ever since I had Amber so I have my moments but as soon as I look into my beautiful girls’ faces i cannot help but smile. They keep me going through each day and they have made me the person I am today. If you cannot say the same or something similar then you need to sit down and reevaluate yourself. I’m sorry if I offend anyone on here, that is not my reasoning for writing this but I have some acquaintances that do not stop whining about being a young mom. YOU made the choice to have a baby at the age you did NOT society so stop blaming anything and everything else.

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