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for now that’s enough

March 9th, 2015 . Posted in blogging/internet, by Taylor, day-to-day life, food for thought, teen pregnancy & parenting, vent/rant, women | No Comments »

“Where’s my daddy?”

The three words I dread the most. The one question I will never have an answer for. It always seems to come on our roughest days, because he knows he needs more than I can provide, because he knows my weaknesses, because there are traits he didn’t inherit from me that I am clueless about, because sometimes you just need your dad, because there are some things that are inherently male that I will never understand.

Three little words encompass my greatest fears. Getting pregnant at 17 was scary but I knew I could love, provide and care for my child. Motherhood didn’t scare me, finding the words to explain to my child why he didn’t get a daddy, now that was terrifying. How do you explain to a child that his dad was nothing more than a child himself, that his dad wasn’t lucky enough to have the supportive family I did, that his dad was scared of the things he thought he could never provide? How do you explain that its okay to be mad and sad and confused about the whole thing? Without downplaying what happened to him and how he feels about it, without letting him think a father abandoning his child is okay, without making him feel like its his fault?

At first it was simple, he lives far away, he works alot, he loves and misses you. Now he is in school, and he will see other kids with parents who live out of town and work alot and who still see their dads. He sees people with not only dads but step dads too. Now he has learning to ask for him in another language.

“Ou est mon papa?”

How do I put aside my anger and frustration, my hurt and abandonment, and calmly rationally explain to my son why he has noone around to call dad. Because once upon a time I thought I was in love and we would in this together and now I’m here making excuses for your cowardness while you make jokes about how scary the words “I’m late” are as if you have any idea about half the responsibilities I have.

My initial reaction probably looks like I have just been slapped, and I quickly try to regain my composure, “He lives far away remember baby?”. For the moment he is appeased, for the moment that is enough, for the rest of our night nothing is different and yet he needs extra snuggles tonight, extra reassurance.

“You’re my best friend, je t’aime maman”

And for now that’s enough.

The Fight Against Fakers

July 31st, 2009 . Posted in blogging/internet, by Kris, food for thought, Links on YM, teen pregnancy & parenting | No Comments »
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Have you heard about the person who faked her baby’s death?!

Here’s an article on the topic… I was sad and upset to hear about it, but unfortunately, not terribly surprised!

Over my past 10 years running communities and groups online, I’ve seen more fakers and lurkers and weirdos out there than I care to remember!!

We do get to enjoy meeting new friends and forge some wonderfully close relationships with our online mommy crew, but the darker side of the internet is waiting as well.

In the Young Single Mommies Community, we occasionally had a male member try to join to hit on some of the single women in the group. One time in the YM Community, we had a young women join and we found the link to her blog. It talked about soccer and her social life and everything except the pregnancy she was telling us all about (and included pictures of a slim young woman… hmmm, I find it hard to believe you are 7 months pregnant?!).

In the YM Boards, we have had more than our share of fakers, including one young woman who stole photos of her sister and nephew and assumed their identity. She tried to defend her lying because she had been pregnant herself but had lost the baby. While this is a sad situation, it still doesn’t excuse convincing a few dozen women that you are a real mom of a baby and wasting our time with questions and stories that turn out to be lies.

No wonder we’ve developed so much security and rules to try to protect those of us who *are* real mothers and are just trying to find support and advice. For example, on the YM Boards, we now post “Salutes” (pictures of us and our children that include proof of the date) to gain access to more personal forums and member photos.

What motivates young women to pretend to be teen moms? Is it a perception that it is “cool” to be a pregnant teen? Is it a way for girls to try out the experience of being 16 and pregnant without having to actually go through the reality of it all?

What do you think??

moms networking?

December 11th, 2008 . Posted in blogging/internet, by Kris, food for thought, women | No Comments »
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So with the crazy pace that things are changing, with all our social media tools out there, will networking between moms become easier? Will we be able to connect with other women like us and will we be able to take it beyond just supporting each other in an emotional sense?

I’m on the lookout for women’s businesses to support, like buying Christmas gifts from home-based businesses instead of at the “big box stores”. Maybe I should start looking at Etsy, there seems to be a lot out there. I received my order today from Mabel’s Labels and am super pleased. Maybe YM can do a fundraiser with them next year?

Another topic for discussion – what about websites for women run by men? I have big issues with this. I saw a local website recently and out of curiosity checked out their forums but when I saw the Admin posting (with a pic of *himself*), I was totally turned off immediately. I have similar concerns about sites like iVillage and the brand new Momversations.com – who’s behind the wheel? Who is truly benefiting from this?

I guess I’m more of a grass-roots girl myself, but I fear that the social media & networking advantages we have today may just get turned into yet another money-maker for “the man” and will use women’s needs and internet usage for their own benefit – much like advertising brands prey on women’s insecurities.

How can we use the internet to make sure all of women’s energy (as we blog and post and network and support each other) comes back to help ourselves in the long run??