Every mother has their own breaking point, and that point may be different for every mother at any given moment with any aged child. For me it was my 3 week old son’s non-stop crying for 2 hours from 3:30 am until 5:30 am after a similar night the night before and then a long day out and not getting home until 11:30pm. So what do you do when you reach this point? How do you keep from completely losing it? After 2 hours of his screaming inconsolably I put him down in his bassinet walked out of the room shut the door and screamed for less than 10 seconds to release my frustration because at that point he was reacting to my feelings and my stress as much as if not more than he was reacting to his own. I screamed and that went back into the room reswaddled him the way he likes it and cuddled him close while telling him how much I loved him and how thankful I was to have him, after about 15 minutes of this he finally settled down and went to sleep. But the next morning my mom freaked out on my for how I had handled the situation and told me that all the neighbors had heard me and were judging me enough as it was. I believe I handled the situation the best i could at that given moment, and if it had happened right now I could have handled it so much better but at that point I couldn’t. The judgment from my mother however made me feel like I was an awful mother, that judgment and telling mothers they can’t deal with their emotions first is what leads to resentment towards the child.
breaking point
August 11th, 2010Breastfeeding
August 2nd, 2010One of the first things that went through my mind when I found out I was pregnant (once the shock wore off) was labour. “I’m going to have to push a baby out of there! There is no way a baby will fit out of there!” Little did I know, labour and delivery is a piece of cake compared to breastfeeding. When you talk to people about breastfeeding they are usually all for it, “Breast really is best!” “It’s not only great for the baby but it’ll get your body back sooo much faster!” but noone tells you how hard it is.
Noone tells you how badly your boobs hurt when they are overproducing at first and are so engorged it feels like they are trying to burst out of your skin.
Noone warns you that babies bite, and it HURTS even without teeth.
Noone tells you that the sucking will put your baby to sleep in the middle of the feed and you will have to fight to keep them awake but not screaming.
Noone warns you about them getting distracted and throwing their heads back while they still have a good grip on your nipple.
Noone warns you about clusterfeeding, when they eat every half hour or so.
Noone tells you you become a human pacifier.
Noone tells you about when they ate something their baby didnt like and they spit it all up after feeding for an hour and then scream because they are now starving again and you have to start all over.
Noone tells you that nursing covers just get in the way for you and baby and therefore usually get forgotten quickly.
And it doesn’t end, I was afraid for labour but worst case scenario labour is what 24 hours? I was lucky mine was only 5 hours long. But breastfeeding, it’s been over 2 weeks and it’s still hard.
But it is so worth it. Once they have a good feed and you look down and see them all sleepy and content and know that you are the only person in the world who can do that for them. And when someone else is holding them and they here your voice and turn to you, because they know you provide them with everything they need. IMO seeing your baby happily, peacefully sucking away at your boob is the best feeling in the world, and it’s much more beautiful than a sleeping baby.
POOP!
July 30th, 2010For the past few months Lucas has HATED to wear a diaper. Every time he’s in just a diaper it is off in less than 5 minutes. I try to not leave him in one because I know this and I have had one too many incidents where he has taken it off and pooped all over the floor… I’ve tried everything to make him keep them on except for using duct tape (although I just might do it one of these days… lol) It used to be that if he had any kind of pants or shorts on he’s leave it alone, but now he has mastered the art of taking those off too, so the only way to keep his bum covered is in a onsie or overalls. Anyway, last weekend we were in Dunkin Donuts in Boston waiting for a friend of mine to get there with her son so we could take the kids to the sprinklers. Another one of my friends works there so we’re pretty well known and they all love Lucas and don’t mind if he runs around inside, as long as I keep an eye on him of course. I really had to pee so I asked my friend if she could watch him for 2 minutes and she said no problem. Well, she didn’t do too good of a job if you ask me… I came out of the bathroom no more than 3 minutes later and Lucas is standing there in his shirt and NOTHING else, and he’s waving his poopy diaper in the air, he has poop all over him, and there’s a bunch of poop on the floor. I looked at him and screamed, and he just stared at me and laughed uncontrollably! And to top it off a Boston cop happened to be walking into the store at that very moment… Lets just say I was completely mortified and I won’t be letting that particular friend to babysit again anytime soon…
Meeting Victoria
July 30th, 2010I will never forget the time I met Victoria… Specially because I was so nervious, it was like I had never seen or been around a child before!
Phill and I had been seriously dating for over 6 months, and she was just over 13 months old. We had discussed this over for hours and hours and hours! I was really looking forward to meeting her, almost from the start, but Phillip had a thousand reservations! (that I must confess I didn’t really understand at the moment, but now I see his point). We met at his house, and I remember being so nervious my hand were damp with sweat!! I kept dropping everything I was holding… She just kind of ignored me at first, and hung on to Phill for dear life!, and I remember thinking “Oh God, this s going to be a disaster!”. The first time I tried to hold her she started crying. Later we started playing with some cardboard boxes, and the Phill yelled at me cause he was planning to use them!, then we decided to get some lunch and she wouldn’t take anything! So Phill got all frustrated and said that we better went home… At this point I almost felt like crying myself! and the thing is, I’m usually so good with kids! I adore them and they adore me!. Thankfully little by little she started reaching out to me, letting me tickle her, and by the end of the afternoon she’d even let me hold her! but still, I was SO awkward with her! it was embarassing! you’d think I had never been around babies before! Not knowing what to do, how to talk to her, how to calm her down… I really thought Phill was going to come up to me any minute and say “You know what, I don’t think this is going to work” (I’m SO glad he didn’t obviously!)
That’s when it hit me! all the pressure I was putting on myself, because this wasn’t just some kid, just another friend’s child… This is the daughter of the man I love! and if everything turned out the way we wanted to, she was going to be my family! My step DAUGHTER! yikes! and you can imagine what a shock that was to me at first… I remember when we said good bye I patted her awkwardly on the head and didn’t even kiss Phillip, I was so out of my element!
Then I thought, if I want this child to be my family, I had better start treating her like family! and that made a world of difference! the next time we met like 2 weeks after that we really started bonding! we went for ice cream, I made her laugh, she made a mess of my dress and broke my necklace, you know, the whole thing! hahaha! But I’m glad to say we’ve been friends ever since. =)
