99% of the time I live my life feeling beyond blessed. I have been extremely fortunate in my life. Things always seem to fall right into place, even when things seem to be a mess, it always comes together. My husband is the man of my dreams, I have beautiful children, a great relationship with my first sons father, an amazingly supportive family and friends who I trust. What more could a person truly want?
1% of the time I feel regretful. Wondering what my life would be like if I hadn’t gotten pregnant at 15 years old. Who would I be? Where would I have gone? I see my friends moving away, living on their own, discovering themselves and I feel jealously. I close my eyes imagine my life in a big city far away from here, an independent women and I long for that.
Flash back to reality. I found myself holding back tears the other day after I had settled Malik down from a tantrum during a therapy session. Even though these tantrums are a very rare occurrence I found myself thinking “is this really my life? I am only 20 years old” and then the guilt for even thinking such thoughts sets in.
Do we all feel this way? Are we always longing for something that will never be? Even if its only occasionally? Even when we have absolutely everything we ever wanted, the grass is somehow always greener. At least every once and awhile 😉
Oh sweetheart! rest sure that everyone feels this way every once in a while… but even those friends going away whose life you think you envy, I’m sure they don’t have it as easy as they may make it seem, and I’m also sure there are many things about your life THEY envy!
Even I (who I have to be honest, haven’t faced the “uglies” yet) sometimes find myself thinking Do I really need to put myself through this?? but then I look into the eyes of the love of my life, and I can see it’s all worthy! and I look at Victoria and I’m grateful to have her in my life as well, because she brings fun and laghter into our lives, and I need to keep reminding myself that every time ex tries to get into my head and damage our good times!
(Sorry for the mini-vent there!) I guess all I’m saying is… Yes, the grass will always look greener on the other side from time to time, it’s a normal feeling, and thanfully it doesn’t last long!
I think we all have these moments. I know that sometimes I think of what life would have been like if I had waited to have kids. I mean I literally got pregnant just before I moved out on my own so I got two weeks of Justin and I being just us before we were thrust into preparing for parenthood. Of course after a melt down that has been especially tiring or being told how much my shoolager hates me for putting him on time out or an all nighter with a screaming baby it is pretty reasonable to start thinking this way.
Of course the feeling never lasts when you look into your little one’s eyes or snuggle them tight in your arms.