February 26th, 2013
So before I get into day one of potty training Elizabeth, let me just state that she is the most stubborn child I have ever met.
Anyways, we decided to enroll Elizabeth in the school that Amber is going to; she cannot start until August. When they are 3 years old they have to be somewhat if not completely potty trained. The school does make some exceptions and will help out with it a bit. So with that being said, we went and bought a potty seat that is attached to your toilet seat. As of this morning I decided to put panties on her so when she has an “accident” she will feel the wet panties on herself and maybe she wont like it. I did this with Amber and it worked great.
I had sat the girls down to draw self portraits and about 5 minutes later Elizabeth said she had to go potty. When I sat her on the potty she was fine for about 6 or 7 minutes and then she started to get upset. Needless to say she did not go pee in the potty. So I took her off the potty but made her keep her panties on. I put the girls in the living room and put a leapfrog show on the television. It had probably been about 10-15 minutes when I heard Elizabeth start freaking out. I went into the living room to see what was going on and she was grabbing at her private area and screaming that she was wet. I can tell all ready she does not like the feeling of the wet panties; hopefully this will work.
I had Elizabeth go into her bedroom with me to change her panties and clothes. When we got in there I told her that she had to be a big girl now if she wanted to go to school. I explained to her that she had to let me or daddy know when she had to go pee or poo so we could put her on the potty.
Now it is nap time so I have her in a diaper but when she wakes up she has to go back in panties. Let’s hope this works out. Hopefully I have time to update later tonight on how the rest of day went.
February 26th, 2013
As a mom I believe the hardest thing to think of is being without my children. When I have thought about that I never associated it with the loss of a child still in the womb. Unfortunately, this has happened to me. I was not necessarily thrilled with being pregnant. I kept thinking, “I am not ready for another child. I really would like more me time and another baby will make that next to impossible.” I was thinking incredibly selfish. I already had 3 children and one was not even a year old yet. Well, one morning I was up doing my normal chores around the house when I felt something wet. I went into the bathroom and saw a bit of blood and started to panic. No I did not necessarily want another baby but I would still not want anything to happen to my baby once he or she was already conceived. I called my Aunt and had her come and get my three girls so I could go to the emergency room. After getting checked out I was told I had miscarried. I was heartbroken and slammed with guilt. I kept asking myself how I could let myself get pregnant so soon after having a baby and that maybe my body was not strong enough to have another baby. I kept telling myself that it was my fault because of the way I thought when I found out I was pregnant. I blamed myself and it was not right. You cannot always blame yourself for the hardships that you face in life. God made that little baby and God decided it was his/her time. No he/she did not get to see the world but there must have been a greater plan for him/her out there somewhere. I understand fully that a miscarriage is a heart wrenching thing whether or not the pregnancy was planned but I have tried to look at it from a different perspective. I have tried to see the positive (not much in it I know but I’m trying not to let myself get too down since I do have other children depending on me). Now I can fully focus on my three girls; I can focus on school; I can focus on getting my body in shape and being healthier just in care my husband and I ever decide to have another child. I can go to sleep at night knowing that even though I did not get to meet my baby that he or she is taken care of. So if you have suffered this kind of loss just think, your baby IS being taken care of. This is the ONLY thing that has been keeping me going is that knowing deep in my heart that my sweet little baby is in good hands. I know everyone has different beliefs but I am hoping that sharing this gives someone a way to feel a little bit better.
February 18th, 2013
So as you all know I am married to David. Now, for some people when you have children that is what you are; a mom. Some people forget that they are wives, or significant others as well. So I have decided to write about how I feel as a wife and how I feel things have changed. I have been married to David for 3 years as of April 10th. When we first met in 2008 he was so affectionate. He wanted to sit next to me and cuddle. I would get compliments on my eyes or how nice I looked. I could lay down with him and watch a movie. Nowadays I have to go up and hug and kiss him; I have to ask if I can lay on the couch with him and then I have to hear him complain (he says its a joke) and be uncomfortable; if I dress up or do my hair and make up just to do it I get asked why I did it not get told how nice I look; I never hear how nice my eyes are or any type of compliments. What I am trying to say is that I miss the new relationship feeling and everything that comes with it. I do not know what to do about this. I keep telling David he is not very affectionate. I keep asking David to be nicer and/or more affectionate. I get none of this. I do not think he understands that I am serious. I just do not know how to tell him I want the new relationship feeling when we are not in a new relationship. I do not want him to think that I want to be in a new different relationship. I just feel so lost and alone right now. I never thought I would feel so alone being married. What to do? I am writing this to reach out to other married mothers or mothers in serious relationships. How do you balance your relationship and children? How do you keep the romance alive with children? It is like ever since we had children it is no big deal to be affectionate. It makes me sad.
December 23rd, 2012
My entire life whenever I thought about what kind of mother I wanted to be I knew I wanted to stay home with my kids until my youngest went into kindergarten. I wanted to be the mom who volunteered at her kids school, drove them everywhere, made every meal from scratch and had dinner on the table in a spotless house when my husband came home from work all while raising a handful of beautiful polite children. Having my son early changed things slightly, I hadn’t yet finished high school and I had no husband to support us. I knew to be able to give my son the kind of life I wanted for him when he was 6 weeks old I started attending school with him in daycare down the hall. It was the most amazing compromise and I was very happy with my decision. Unfortunately for reasons beyond my control that stopped being an option when my son was about 7 months old. (I will do a blog about this later) It was pretty disappointing but I was secretly thrilled I’d be able to spend my whole day devoted to my sweet little boy! Over the next year I tried to go back to school several times but could not stand leaving him. I was very blessed to have amazing family support that allowed me to stay home with him.
I thoroughly enjoyed doing nothing but raising my son for the next year and a half, but shortly after his second birthday I knew it was time for a change. I had completely lost myself in my motherhood, I referred to myself mommy in public without even realizing it several times, I had no outside life I spent 24 hours a day 7 days a week alone with my son and you could tell. I was going stir crazy, my brain was turning to mush and I desperately needed some adult (non mom) interaction. I applied for my local college and was accepted! I was beyond excited, I was finally taking the steps needed to be able to provide for myself and my son! Yet something still didn’t feel quite right, I was having an awful time finding a daycare I trusted. On a whim I decided to apply for college in the city I grew up in, 5 hours from my current city, 5 hours from my mom, and 5 hours from my mommy friends! I was accepted, and found a preschool there I loved instantly! It truly seems meant to be
My son will be two and a half January 16th, January 7th I start college. I am thrilled to be able to learn more about who I am as a person, if I don’t take this time to grow into myself I don’t know how I will be able to help Grayson grow into anyone. I know it will be hard to leave my son but I am no good to him unless I take the time to work on myself. I have a long road ahead of me, 4.5 years of being a single momma in college. I am terrified but it feels right. I can’t wait to see who I become!