YMBlogs ~ young mommies' voices!

As a mom I believe the hardest thing to think of is being without my children. When I have thought about that I never associated it with the loss of a child still in the womb. Unfortunately, this has happened to me. I was not necessarily thrilled with being pregnant. I kept thinking, “I am not ready for another child. I really would like more me time and another baby will make that next to impossible.” I was thinking incredibly selfish. I already had 3 children and one was not even a year old yet. Well, one morning I was up doing my normal chores around the house when I felt something wet. I went into the bathroom and saw a bit of blood and started to panic. No I did not necessarily want another baby but I would still not want anything to happen to my baby once he or she was already conceived. I called my Aunt and had her come and get my three girls so I could go to the emergency room. After getting checked out I was told I had miscarried. I was heartbroken and slammed with guilt. I kept asking myself how I could let myself get pregnant so soon after having a baby and that maybe my body was not strong enough to have another baby. I kept telling myself that it was my fault because of the way I thought when I found out I was pregnant. I blamed myself and it was not right. You cannot always blame yourself for the hardships that you face in life. God made that little baby and God decided it was his/her time. No he/she did not get to see the world but there must have been a greater plan for him/her out there somewhere. I understand fully that a miscarriage is a heart wrenching thing whether or not the pregnancy was planned but I have tried to look at it from a different perspective. I have tried to see the positive (not much in it I know but I’m trying not to let myself get too down since I do have other children depending on me). Now I can fully focus on my three girls; I can focus on school; I can focus on getting my body in shape and being healthier just in care my husband and I ever decide to have another child. I can go to sleep at night knowing that even though I did not get to meet my baby that he or she is taken care of. So if you have suffered this kind of loss just think, your baby IS being taken care of. This is the ONLY thing that has been keeping me going is that knowing deep in my heart that my sweet little baby is in good hands.  I know everyone has different beliefs but I am hoping that sharing this gives someone a way to feel a little bit better.