If I looked in a crystal ball 3 years ago I would never have believed that the life I’m leading today would be my reality. Sometimes I don’t even recognize myself, it’s like I went from kid to mom in the blink of an eye… When I found out I was pregnant I knew that my life was going to change, I knew it wasn’t all about me anymore, but I never thought that I would go into mom mode so quickly and I never thought that I’d be the last person I’d think about… I have always been the type of person that thought about others, who was always there to help my family or friends, I was a shoulder to cry on, a good listener, but I usually expected something in return. Lets face it, I was a naive and sometimes self centered fifteen year old, so basically I was like any other kid. But it amazes me how all that changed the second I found out I was pregnant, and even more so after Lucas was born. Lucas is my world, all that matters in my life is that he’s safe, happy and healthy. I guess before I had a baby I never expected that something could take precedent over my needs/wants/feelings/etc. A lot of the things that I thought were important to me before are now things that I couldn’t care less about or that I just have no place for in my life. I thought I’d die if I didn’t get to watch my favorite show, I would get pissed at my parents if they didn’t let me stay up late or go out with friends. Back then I didn’t have any real responsibilities, my priorities included working, school, homework, and friends. But now every single one of those things has taken a back burner. Yes I want to do well in school, yes I want to work hard and make money so I can give my child everything he wants, yes I want to still have somewhat of a social life, but when it comes down to it Lucas trumps all those things. If I couldn’t go to school or couldn’t work or could never see my friends again I’d be okay with that, as long as I had my son.
Another change I’ve seen in myself in the past few years is that I’ve totally become my mom! Whenever I was in trouble as a child and sent to my room I’d always say to myself that I’d never be like her, that I’d never do this or that to my children, that I’d be the coolest mom ever and never yell at them or punish them, blah blah blah. And sometimes during a fight, in the heat of the moment, I’d say something along those lines to my mom and she always laughed. She had to have told be a thousand times “wait until you have kids”, and “what comes around goes around”, but being a stubborn teen I never listened and I completely believed that I would be so different… Well, all I can say is who’s laughing now? I am EXACTLY like my mom!!! And in the past few months as Lucas has gotten his own personality and started being defiant, I have thanked God (and my mom) that she was the way she was and she raised all of us the way she did, because she taught me how to be the parent I am today. Sure I don’t want to do EVERYTHING the same, but hey, she raised six of us and none of us are too messed up, so she must have done something right, right?
It is amazing how we end up so much like our moms after saying so many times we said I will never be like you! I know there are moments where I say things and that little internal voice is like was that a direct quote of your mother? You are very mature beyond your years and I think you might be on to something with your mom 😉 “Sure I don’t want to do EVERYTHING the same, but hey, she raised six of us and none of us are too messed up, so she must have done something right, right?”
It is crazy how much we change after having our own children and how much we turn into our own parents (for me its my grandmother because thats who raised me)…You are a great mom though and I’m proud of you for everything you’ve overcome!!