Week 6

Baby is about 4mm by this stage, and the heart is beating. Limb buds have started to form, and last week I was working on "fusing" the spinal cord (no wonder I was so so exhausted!). Next step is making the eyes, nose, and mouth.

Yay! I made it! I chose 6 weeks as a milestone to look forward to and I made it here. Yes, there were times when I was worried and scared that I wouldn't, that I would have an early loss and not even make it this far. But I am encouraged now by a lot of positive signs that things are going well, and I'm finally able to feel the slightest bit of relief and allow myself to feel a little more excited about this pregnancy. Since I found out about this pregnancy less than 2 weeks ago, I have been taking it one day at a time, just trying to wake up the next morning to find that I was still pregnant and living in the moment of happiness that happened every time I realized and remembered that I still was. No matter what this pregnancy brings, I am determined to enjoy the happiness and the hope I'm starting to feel. It was only when I'd given up hope that I would be pregnant again that all of a sudden things changed and we found out that, believe it or not, we actually were! So with that hope given back to me, I am holding onto it tightly with both hands (and with crossed fingers).

For the first week of the pregnancy since finding out about it (4 weeks -5 weeks), I was very nervous and scared to do much since I didn't want to "jinx" anything. We did tell family members right away that we were pregnant, but were cautious about getting our hopes up too much right away. Without any concrete signs that things were going well, it was hard to feel too excited. As my pregnancy symptoms worsened, I actually became glad to have them, they were reassuring to me. If my pregnancy hormone levels were rising enough to make me feel really pregnant, hopefully that meant they were also working hard to create a comfy environment for a baby in there!

In the week after (5 weeks - 6 weeks), I had my first appt. with my OB, and got the encouraging first beta HCG results. My belly also grew out of my regular jeans and pants, and I got out the maternity clothes and underclothes! My symptoms got worse, and I almost threw up on garbage day while waiting at Harmony's bus stop. But I haven't (and won't) complain, because it is all so very reassuring to have these signs and symptoms. I got my second beta HCG levels back early this week (Monday) and they were even more encouraging! Those high numbers would certainly explain those "twin" vibes I've been having! No, seriously! With every other pregnancy, I had a very clear "boy" or "girl" vibe, right from the get-go, but with this pregnancy, it hasn't been as clear. I've tried to envision the baby and where they are and who they are, during my morning meditations, and recently starting getting a feeling there might be two. I am getting a boy vibe finally though, and not really much of a vibe from the other baby if there is one. So I think if I'm having a singleton baby, it's a boy, but if it's two, it could be a boy and a girl. We'll have to wait and see!

Now I am entering the 7th week, and still collecting all those positive signs. The biggest relief for me will be at the beginning of next week when I get to see the ultrasound so I will really know that things are okay. I'm hesitantly admitting though, that I do have a very good feeling about this pregnancy, especially with all the things I am doing differently this time around. I hope all the work I'm doing to try to take good care of this baby will be enough to make it stick and stay with us!

Test Results/Ultrasounds:

First beta levels came back from 4 weeks, 1 day, and they were a nice 139, on the higher end of the range, and above the average of 59 for that day. Next set were taken at 5 weeks, 3 days, and came back an amazing 4,648! Based on these numbers and the days between them, the numbers are doubling every 1.77 days, and the usual doubling time this early in pregnancy is only 2-3 days! So that news is very very encouraging.

First ultrasound has been scheduled for next Monday (almost 7 weeks). I really really wanted to go in earlier, because I really need to know that my baby bunny is doing okay in there, but my OB convinced me to wait until almost 7 weeks because the chances of being able to see the heartbeat are much better at 7 weeks. Even at 6 weeks, you sometimes don't see the heartbeat even if everything is fine, and I agree that I don't need or want that kind of worry and stress!

Physical:

The morning sickness has been around for more than 2 weeks and gets worse little by little every day. Strangely enough, it's not quite as bad as it has been with pervious pregnancies by this stage in the game, and yet I've had other symptoms that have been much stronger this time around than previously. Funny how every pregnancy is different. This time I traded being less nauseous for having breasts that are more sore and much heavier/larger. I find I'm more dizzy-tired instead of regular tired, and more forgetful and spacey than clumsy (not a drop of milk split this pregnancy so far!). The bad migraines that I noticed a lot with willow are not here at all this time, but I have noticed a lot more belly activity - little twitches and twinges happening there. My legs have been really sore too, and the first "charley horse" pain that I got all the time in my pregnancy with Harmony have already started to happen. I haven't often had the insomnia I had regularly with my previous pregnancies (the waking up at 5am every morning type thing!), but I am often up in the middle of the night to go pee! So there has been a lot of things different with this pregnancy, and I would say it's actually a lot closer to my pregnancy with Harmony as opposed to my pregnancies with my angels, so maybe that is a good sign!

Physically, I'm doing well, except for those little pains and twinges I've mentioned. Giving up coffee was really difficult to do, but I'm glad I started to wean myself two weeks before conception so that it was out of my system by the time I got pregnant. Now it doesn't bother me at all not to have my morning cup. I'm also handling the side effects of the progesterone much better this month than when I was taking it while not pregnant, actually! Maybe the hcg is just overpowering anyways, since those levels are climbing so rapidly and having such an effect on me.

Total weight gain so far:

Yikes, I've already gained 5 lbs!

Emotional:

The hormones have kicked, big time! I'm certainly getting very emotional and teary-eyed over little things. I haven't felt that "moody" or "grumpy" though, which is a nice relief, since often I do during pregnancy. The cravings are starting to become more like pregnancy cravings than normal everyday cravings, and when I'm hungry or thirsty for something, I seek it out with determination! I am feeling very sensitive to certain things, but not bursting into tears at every little thing. Although of course, I've already started laughing and then crying because I was laughing… it's happened with every pregnancy so far, so I wasn't surprised to have it happen again!

It feels funny to say "every" pregnancy, but if someone asked "Is this your first pregnancy?", I would have to reply, "No, it's my fifth!" I would then get to explain that no, I did not have four living children running around the house, but still, it's true, this is my fifth pregnancy. It certainly sounds very strange to me to think about, that this is the fifth little life that I have nurtured and cared for to the best of my ability. I hope this fifth little life will become my second living child in January.

Daddy Thoughts:

Since it's important to Kris I'll write some of my thoughts in her journal. Well, when Kris tested the first time, I kinda had a feeling that we should loose hope. When she tested again a few days later I was happy along with her, but I wasn't too surprised. I'm glad anyway that we got to see that little pink line. Over the last couple weeks, I've been a little worried about Kris. Mostly, I've been worried that if anything happened while I was at work I might not be able to rush home to her. I'm sure that it's all just worrying for nothing, but I can't help it given our past experiences. I really can't wait until next Monday when we go for our ultrasound appointment; that will be exciting.

Next week
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