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Week 34
Milestones: Baby's weight is about 4lbs, 11oz at this point, and length is 16" CRL! He is using his eyes just like a newborn would - they are open when he's awake and closed when he is sleeping! My Journal: Another week has gone by so quickly! Baby and I are doing just fine - he has been stretching and moving around a lot this week, which has been pretty amusing for his Mommy and Daddy (and sometimes quite uncomfortable for Mommy!). He has also had the hiccups quite a lot these days, I would say usually once a day and sometimes even twice a day. He still seems to be mostly hanging out with his head down, but doesn't stay in the middle. He often seems to have his back curled off to the right side, with little feet pushing out towards the middle (above my belly button) and little hands punching around to the bottom left. This week, there have been lots of exciting preparations for baby! We put up the crib together and it looks so nice! Now that that's in place, I can finish setting up the room around it. I was happy to find out that there is in fact enough room beside the crib for the stand-alone white shelf that was in Avery's closet! It's now all set up with all the diapering supplies, and there was even room in between the crib and shelf for the diaper pail (we'll use the left half of the crib for a changing station and everything will be close at hand!). I put Harmony's "classic Pooh" lamp on that shelf as well, so now we have three lighting levels - the ceiling fixture for bright lighting, the Pooh Bear lamp for softer lighting, and the white star lamp up on the high wall shelf for very low lighting. I also took the carseat out of the box this week and will be washing the cover soon. Not to mention the curtains! Paul finished hemming them and put them up, and they look amazing! It really ties the whole celestial theme together. I can't wait to show off the room to all the family members who will be here this coming Sunday for Harmony's family birthday party! Over the past weekend, we had another birthday party for Paul at his mom's place so that was really nice. She also surprised us with a stocking for Avery that she'd made!! Which is cool because we had just been talking about it recently and wondering how much "Christmas" stuff we should do for him this year since it may not really be his first Christmas (if he's born after the 25th). We'd decided that we would put out a stocking for him, so now he already has a wonderful hand-made one from his Grandma! We also decided we would buy him a gift and put it under the tree whether he had arrived or not... I had the idea of getting him a really big teddy bear to take pictures beside him month-to-month (so it would start out bigger than he was and then he would slowly get bigger than the bear!) and Paul picked out a really soft white polar bear with a snowflake hat that was just the perfect size for my picture idea! Then there was also the question of a Christmas ornament! We didn't want to be searching for a "Baby's 1st Christmas 2004" ornament after the fact (in case we couldn't find one!) but then what if he was born after Christmas? So we actually ended up buying two ornaments - one that says "Baby's 1st Christmas 2004" and one that says "Parents-to-be 2004" and the store said we could return whichever one we don't end up using. Last weekend we also had the second day of our intensive prenatal course and it was just as excellent as the first half of the course was! We learned some massage techniques for labour and got to have all the info on infant care and breastfeeding. A few little tidbits of info were very cool to find out about! For instance, I had no idea that the glands around the nipple produce a substance that tastes like amniotic fluid. The tips on breastfeeding were just amazing in general - the instructor used this hysterical "burger" analogy to describe how to (and how not to!) hold the nipple so that the baby can get a good latch. Many women are told to hold their breasts with a "C" hold, but if you think about the way that babies are typically positioned, this hold is not at all helpful because it would be like holding a hamburger vertically for someone to bite it! So instead she recommends a "U" hold under the breast if the baby is lying sideways, so that it is similar to when you squish your burger and hold it horizontally to be able to get as much of it in your mouth as possible. She admitted that it is a really funny and strange way to put it, but I agree with her that it's a trick that moms will actually be able to remember and will be really helpful! Some of the information in the class was also helpful in my continuing journey to feel more at peace with Harmony's birth experience and to be able to get over feeling so negative about it. The entire section of being induced was really helpful for this - remembering that the contractions are so much more painful and hard to cope with when they come on all of a sudden, and finding out that women commonly ask for an epidural right after Pitocin is started (and I went about 8-10 hours in between!) made me feel like I was actually pretty tough in being able to be in labour for those 40 hours with almost no sleep and little support and still be able to cope with the contractions as well as I did. It made me feel pretty confident that if I do go into labour early with Avery, I will be able to be successful in a VBAC and may be able to go without pain medication like I want to, especially since my labour will be so much shorter and since I will have much more support. That is one thing the class made us think about actually - our support network. I know Paul will be an amazing source of support for me and for Avery and for Harmony, but I'm worried he'll get too tired being the one who is doing it all and I want to try to find support for him, too. His mom is taking time off work for after Avery's birth, so I know she will be there for him when he's doing the whole new parent thing and when he's trying to take care of things for me so I won't be overdoing it (especially if I have the C-section). And both Paul's mom and my mom will be around to help take care of Harmony. But now that the possibility of going into labour seems so much more real now, we're wondering who we might be able to ask to be with us during that time. And it's been sad for me to realize that there's not a lot of people right now that we would be able to trust in that role. I have a really hard time putting myself first, and worry that even during labour, I would not be able to do that on my own. Unfortunately, I don't know if any of my close friends or family members would be able to step up and be able to think about my needs for once, even at this really unique and special time of life and with the amazing miracle of bringing another life into the world! A lot of them have let me down in that way, especially when it's come to pregnancy and childbirth, etc. For the C-section, it won't be too difficult - Paul and I will go in while his mom is looking after Harmony at our house, and they will be able to come and visit. I'd like for him to spend some time at home with Harmony though for her sake, but if he goes home during the daytime I should be fine without him. For a labour though, it would be a totally different thing - I wouldn't want him to be the only person there because there will be times he would need to leave my side (to eat, go to the bathroom, etc.). So that is something we'll have to think about as we get ready for that possibility. Another thing that the prenatal class has affected has been my birth plan and my "what to pack" list - I've modified both since the course. I've repacked my bag into two different bags - a small carry bag that will have all the essentials for labour and delivery (or just for delivery even if we do end up getting to the C-section date), and a small suitcase for all the things I'll need for my hospital stay. I also want to pack extra pillows and a nursing pillow. Paul will also have to pack a bag as well, as we found out that for C-section babies, you are only allowed to room-in with them overnight if someone is there to help you, since you are not able to lift the baby out of the bassinet on your own (a fact I know all too well from being alone with Harmony at night and having to beg the grumpy nurses to please do something so simple as hand me the baby!). Luckily we will have a private room, and at the General they actually have cots (or at least reclining chairs) for the partners. Even if I have a VBAC, I will probably still want Paul to stay overnight, although we are worried about breaking the news to Harmony that we'll be doing this since she has been really anxious about not having us be there for her after the baby's born. We've been trying to explain that although the first few days will be different and the first few weeks will be an adjustment (and perhaps not so fun!), we'll still be her Mom and Dad and be there to look after her as much as possible and that things will settle back into a nice routine again eventually. So I hope with that reassurance, she'll be okay with the few days we'll be in the hospital with Avery and will be confident we'll be back home as soon as we are able. Test Results/Ultrasounds/Appointments: I am going tomorrow for my 34 week appointment. I was thinking about attempting the drive on my own, but I just got too worried, especially remembering the last time I drove myself somewhere (2 weeks ago for my last OB appt!), and especially when I heard that the weather was not going to be that nice. So Paul will be taking an early lunch break to be able to drive me to see my doctor, which will be kind of nice because he'll get to hear the baby's heartbeat and all that fun stuff too! Then after tomorrow's appointment, I'll only have 3 more - at 36 weeks, 37 weeks, and 38 weeks (if I make it that far!). Physical: I've noticed a lot more Braxton-Hicks contractions lately, and sometimes they can be quite strong and somewhat painful. I'll probably ask my OB about it tomorrow although I'm sure she'll probably tell me it's normal and not to worry. I've also had a lot of back pain and some back spasms. I guess just my body's way of trying to carry the extra weight and adjusting to it all being in one place. There's been a lot of pressure too, hard to describe where exactly, but just in my perineal floor in general. I don't think that the baby has dropped yet, but maybe just that he is taking up a lot of space now and applying more pressure on either side! His feet are definitely pushed up really far in my belly, so I imagine his head is sometimes pushed down pretty low. Physically, I am really slowing right down these days... If you asked me how I was feeling, I would spit out "tired" as the first thing that came to mind. I don't know what it is but I just feel so exhausted sometimes. Like I'll spend half the day feeling really "foggy" and be dragging my heels. I find I'm okay once I'm out of bed and up and about and I'll have okay energy levels during the morning. But after lunch, my back will really start to ache and I'll feel ready for a rest. And then regardless of whether or not I actually manage to sleep during my hour and a half "nap time" after lunch, I still feel tired for a good part of the afternoon and evening! To cope, I seem to have developped a knack for "cat-napping" and just resting in this half-sleeping-half-awake state. Sometimes I'll be like this for half of my naptime, and then I'll wake up wondering how much time I actually slept and how much time I spent drifting in and out of sleep. The good news is that it's at least replaced the total insomnia I used to have in the early mornings. Now I'm up anywhere from 2am to 4am to go pee, but then I'll come back to bed and be able to stay there, even if I'm not getting any real sleep. Speaking of bathroom trips, they are becoming more and more frequent. I think also that my IC is really being aggravated by the pressure on my bladder as well, because when I do have to go, it can sometimes be painful. If it's been more than about 2-3 hours since the last time I went, it is very uncomfortable. Still trying to drink lots of fluids and go to the bathroom often though, and it seems to help. Other fun pregnancy symptoms that continue to crop up here and there are heartburn/indigestion, nausea, the usual digestive issues (thank goodness for licorice, though!), night-time leg cramps (although they still are nowhere near as bad as they were with Harmony), not-so-great circulation, and shortness of breath. One thing I'm surprised that I haven't experienced is swollen ankles (yay!). With all of these things combined, I am really missing the 2nd trimester!!! I am also now able to understand what all those women were talking about when they said that by the end of the 3rd trimester, you will be very glad not to be pregnant before - I never felt like that with Harmony, but I am certainly starting to feel that way now. I am glad that in a few weeks I'll be able to hold my baby boy on the outside instead! Weight Gain/Food: I've actually gained 2 lbs this week, so I'm up to a total gain of 24lbs. I hope I go back to my 1-lb-per-week gain that was happening before because if the 2lbs-per-week trend continues, I will have gained at least 30lbs total by the end of the pregnancy! Still better than 50, but would be disapointing just the same. I am sort of taking comfort in the fact that at least it does seem to feel mostly like pregnancy weight - my belly is huge, my breasts are huge, but it's not like I've put on tons of weight on my arms or legs or anything. So hopefully it's all going to the right places! I have been craving Root Beer throughout the pregnancy but it's been an especially bad craving lately... The last time I went shopping I grabbed a few things off the shelf on impulse and Root Beer was one of the items (I'm getting dangerous to shop with when food is involved!). Chocolate has been a big one too, of course - but this I can attribute at least partially to the usual winter-hibernation instincts kicking in combined with the holiday commercials showing chocolate! Emotional: Oh yikes... I can tell that my hormones are changing again. I have really been up and down this week, and weepy over silly things. I'm bouncing a little more between extremes than I usually do (even than I "usually" do during pregnancy) - getting really happy over sappy things and feeling really "blue" over things that bother me. I started crying yesterday as I was making myself a sandwich because I was so tired that it took a lot of energy to make lunch. And I just started thinking, "Oh my God, if I'm so tired sometimes these days that making lunch is a chore, how will I take care of feeding myself with a baby around?". Today I just made my tuna sandwich while I was making sandwiches for Harmony and Paul to take to school and work so that made things a lot easier, but it still worries me that I get too tired sometimes to do simple things that used to require next to no motivation to do. I lose confidence in myself once in a while, and worry that I won't be able to handle two kids, that I'm too tired and have been through too much to really give everything a newborn baby needs. But then on the other side of things, there are so many things that just make me melt with happiness and feel so uplifted. Like during prenatal classes, I loved seeing how involved Paul was in the whole process, I just felt so mushy when he was asking questions or asking me if the massage technique we were learning was working, and things like that. Then one night we were cuddling and chatting and then we said goodnight and I was rubbing his back and he totally feel asleep right then and there, and I got all teary-eyed and mushy over it, like there was something so loving about having him fall asleep while I'm caring for him. And then I started thinking about when our baby will fall asleep in our arms, I can't wait for that! Just thinking about little moments we'll have with our baby (and how soon they are coming!) really makes me want to cry (in a good way). Sometimes I love this pregnancy experience so much it just feels like a warm hug all over.
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