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Week 32
Milestones: Baby is now about 4lbs! He can move his head from side to side, and all five senses are functional. My Journal: This week's journal will be short since I accidentally sliced my index finger while cutting up some celery (which I'm sure will become a commonly-dredged-up example whenever Paul needs to prove his point that sharp knives and pregnancy don't mix!), and it still hurts a little to type... Avery is doing great and is as busy as usual! He has still been having the hiccups quite a bit these days, which Harmony has been able to see and feel as well. She still gets very excited to be able to see the baby and was even bragging on the phone to her Grandma Sue that the baby had the hiccups "two times this week - no, three times!" and thinks that "maybe when he comes out, he will be hiccuping". He has also been my "busy baby boy", as I like to call him all the time during our little chats. I think he is still trying to adjust his position (and still not listening to my "head down, feet up" recommendations). Lately he has been lying diagonally - his head seems to be on my lower right side, and his feet are on the upper left side of my belly. As for me, I've been a little blue lately. The whole not being able to drive thing has been more upsetting than I thought, and I've been in tears over the whole thing more than once. I was perfectly ready and willing to be hanging up my keys at the end of this month and staying home in December, but having to do it early is depressing. Not only because it's inconvenient to not be able to drive myself (there are still a few places this month I absolutely have to go to!), but also because it means I wasn't in control of the timing! I didn't get to decide when to stop driving, the decision was made for me (and I hate things like that even when I'm not all pregnant and hormonal about it). It also feels a little bit like my world is getting smaller and smaller around me, and I know this will only get worse when the really cold weather hits and when I'm at home with a tiny baby. I can clearly remember those newborn days when you start to get cabin fever after only seeing the walls of your home all day. I think I'm just going to have to enjoy the last few trips out of the house (and just try to breathe deeply and tolerate the uncomfortable car rides it takes to get there!). The good news is that all those birthday parties are coming up and most of them are here! I've also been planning our Christmas party and am really starting to look forward to it! I just hope I can hold off on the Christmas decorating until at least the end of November (I'm starting to eye those boxes in the basement already though... uh oh). Test Results/Ultrasounds/Appointments: My 32-week appointment is tomorrow. I'm really worried about how I'll do with the driving, but I think I can make it okay. Based on how that goes, I might be scheduling my next appointment based on Paul's work schedule so that he is able to drive me. Physical: Oh my God, I'm huge! I just have to look in the mirror and laugh sometimes because I wonder how that big belly snuck up on me. I think Avery has had a huge growth spurt lately because I feel really huge all of a sudden. I have been thinking that this week, my belly is about as big as it ever got with Harmony. And that's a 6-week difference (since she was born at 38 weeks), yikes! Which is scary to think about... if I still have those 6 weeks left to go with this baby, and he is only getting bigger week to week, how much bigger is that belly going to get?! I'm happy about my big baby belly though - after all, I told this little one right from the start that he could take as much space as he needed to grow big and healthy! Weight Gain/Food: Not too bad here. Another pound added to the total weight gain, so I'm now at 21 lbs total. Cravings lately have mostly been thirst-driven again! I am soooo thirsty for milk it's not even funny. Well, okay, sometimes it's funny. Like when Paul got out the 5th bag of milk for this week (keep in mind we are not even halfway through the week between grocery shops, yikes!) and made some comment about how much milk I was drinking. I just replied with a feeble "Moo", which Harmony found absolutely hysterical. That giggle-kid is going to just have a blast when mommy's breastfeeding, I can tell. Emotional: Well, besides breaking into tears over my car-rides-are-painful-and-I-can't-go-anywhere issues, I've been teary-eyed over commercials (we change the channel when that Canadian Tire commercial that makes me cry comes on) and the usual preggie stuff. Some of this hormonal stuff is just plain silly though! One time, I just got all settled into the couch for a rest (finally in a comfortable position, which was not easy since my back was really sore), but then I dropped my Oreo cookie on the carpet! Well, I was just so non-plused by the idea of getting up and struggling to pick it up that I almost burst into tears on the spot. Luckily I realized how ridiculous that would be and started laughing at myself instead of bawling. One thing I've discovered (in my goal of keeping some semblance of emotional sanity through all these hormones) is that I really like spending time in Avery's room. I've spent more time there lately, just rocking in the rocking chair and looking over all the little clothes and little places he'll soon be in. And I find it so calming, to just let myself dream away a little while. Instead of worrying about what else needs to be done, I can see what's been done so far and what we have ready. It's a really positive feeling of looking at everything a baby will bring into our lives, looking ahead to all the happy moments... rocking in the chair and picturing myself holding him there, singing a song or reading him a story. I have to admit that sometimes (even now!) I still hold back on picturing things too much. I haven't totally cleared away all the worry that comes from being a mom of so many angels that didn't survive. But I'm letting myself hope and dream a little more each day, as we get closer to holding that healthy baby in our arms, safe and sound.
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