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Week 13
Milestones: I'm "officially" finished the first trimester now, which is such a huge milestone! Baby is now getting so much bigger (about 9cm) and since all the important stuff has now formed, it's just the minor details that need to be taken care of (with tons and tons of growth in size as well). This also means that the chances of miscarriage have gone down to next to nothing. So of course the biggest milestone of all this week was finding out that we are actually having this baby! My Journal: I have to be honest and say that I really thought I would feel so much better as soon as I got to 13 weeks - I pictured myself relieved, celebrating, happy, excited. But it hasn't been as instant a process. No "welcome to the 2nd trimester" balloons fell from the ceiling, there was no fanfare, and there wasn't an instant removal of all the fears and anxieties I've had for the past 3 months. But I feel somehow as though this is like running a race - when you finally cross that finish line you set for yourself, sometimes you just have to sit there for a minute, exhausted, before you can really look back and realize that you made it - that you are a winner. But then once you have rested a bit from the actual race itself, you can truly look back and appreciate how far you've come. I think now that I've made it to this point, I will start to realize what that means and what this little baby and I have accomplished. For now though, the feeling I have right now isn't as much a "YAY! I made it" but more of a disbelief, a cautious stance... like I'm literally stepping "out of the woods" and asking "Am I really allowed to be here?". I think part of my hesistance is also because my past losses have all happened at times when I finally felt like I was doing very well and had started to relax. So it's almost as though somehow it's that hyper-villigance and breath-holding that is keeping things moving along and I'm scared to start enjoying myself too much. Part of it, too, is realizing that there is more to the journey. I was very focused on just getting through the first three months, that was all I wanted, and now that I've met that huge challenge, there are more challenges ahead to get through. I still need to get my baby through the next 6 months and delivery her/him safe and sound this December or January. That's a long way to go yet! Test Results/Ultrasounds: We had an ultrasound last week on Thursday, and baby looked like he/she was doing just fine! CRL was 6.5cm and the heartbeat was 146. Harmony and Paul both came in with me, and when the technician first put the wand on my belly, we saw the baby do a little jump! Harmony was so excited to get to see her "baby brother or sister" as she likes to say. And we were all very relieved to know that baby had made it through the first trimester safe and sound, that was a huge accomplishment! Physical: I have slowly been starting to feel a little less nauseous, day by day. Which is super great because I wasn't even expecting to start feeling better yet, but I guess I shouldn't be too surprised since I have been really blessed with a lot less nausea in general for this pregnancy. I am still feeling a little queasy in the mornings, but it ends a lot sooner (at around 9-10 am instead of noon or later!) and doesn't bother me in the evenings hardly at all anymore unless I eat too large of a meal all at once. I've still been feeling pretty tired, especially in the evenings (there's been a couple times I've fallen asleep around 8 or so after getting Harmony to bed), but do find I'm starting to have a little more energy to move about and do things during the day, which has been great (and also necessary!, with Harmony finishing school last week and now home with me full-time!). I'm slowly started to let my activity levels rise carefully (since I've been pretty much on self-inflicted partially bedrest for a few months), and have been thinking of attending a weekly prenatal aquafit class at the local pool now that I'm feeling more confident about being able to be up and about without causing any harm to the baby. Just as long as I work up to it slowly and not do too much at once, I think I will be just fine, and I don't want to be inactive for my whole 9 months! This second trimester will be the best time for that, since I'm not as tired or sick, but not yet too weighed down with a big belly! Speaking of which, it's about the same size as before, just continuing to thicken up a bit. I had the first person ask about the baby though, which was such an exciting moment for me! So sometimes (if I'm wearing certain maternity clothes), I do look pretty obviously pregnant. But with other clothes I feel I still look pretty normal, and also feel like I can still move around as normal, although I am starting to have an odd "heavy" sensation in my belly - trying not to waddle too much because of it though (the only time I walk a little funny is if I really need to "go"!). Weight Gain/Food: I'm happy to say that I met my goal of only gaining 5 lbs during the whole first trimester. Of course I still have 30 lbs of "Harmony" weight that I never lost after she was born, and 10 lbs of "sienna" weight from my three months of pregnancy last fall, but I still feel good about keeping the weight gain from this pregnancy to a minimum so far. Since I am 15 lbs heavier than I was this time last year (which I would consider a more "normal" mommy weight for me), I would like to try to only gain about 20-25 lbs this pregnancy. Even with not having gained much, I have still been able to be eating normally, and still getting enough! I find I've been doing well with eating really healthy and have actually been craving a lot of fruits and veggies lately (and those are the kind of cravings I can really afford to give in to as much as my body wants!). Still having the occassional treat too, of course. Emotional: This has been a bit of a challenge for me lately, actually. I find I have been a little more hormonal, a little more sensitive, a little more moody lately. Not so much getting sad over things, just getting aggitated and upset. My patience is wearing a little thin in general, and sometimes I'll just have a very general sense of irritation. I hope this is mostly just from the stress of the past couple weels and that all the energy and relaxed happiness I've been looking forward to for the second trimester will start influencing me more and more. I suspect it will, since as I start to try to leave the first trimester stresses and anxieties behind me, I find myself feeling very excited and hopefully about the months ahead.
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