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Week 11 Milestones: Baby is now called a fetus and almost has a human profile! He/she is about 2" long and moving around (even if I can't feel it yet!). All of the vital organs are now formed and smaller refinements are starting (like tooth buds forming in the gums!). My Journal: Every morning on the days that I get to "advance" to the next week of pregnancy is almost like a birthday - I wake up feeling so excited to have made it to another week, to have made it so far. I have been a little on edge the past few days (understatement!). I knew it would be a tough week for me since I've had two losses right before and at 11 weeks, and it did end up being a tough week… I felt like I was walking (no, tip-toeing!!!) on eggshells during the week, wishing I could place this baby in a protective little bubble to keep anything from happening to him/her. At times I almost felt like I didn't want to move, if I felt any little twitch or anything, I would just lay still. Luckily I was not this fearful the entire time and still got to enjoy a few fun moments (like going to Harmony's end-of-the-year music concert!), but there were times where I was just lying there hoping things kept going okay, not wanting to disturb what feels like a fragile state - yes, I'm very lucky to have a healthy pregnancy right now, but I know all too well that it only takes a minute for all that to change and for the world to come crashing down on you. So I had to really face those fears this past week, to know that even if I dared to breathe or move or laugh, that I wouldn't upset that delicate balance, that it's not that precarious, that things have reached a stable footing. I had to think positively as much as I could, to know that this baby is growing and thriving and strong and healthy. I am glad this week was over, because I think now it will be easier to do those things, whereas recently it's been challenging! Today was an especially important milestone for me, because now that I've passed the 11-week point, it means that this baby has now survived longer than any of my angel babies. I feel that this, combined with all the other positive signs we've had that things are going well, means that this little one is the one who will survive. I feel closer than ever to actually getting to hold my little blessing in my arms! I feel like I can finally, finally (maybe just a little bit) start to relax! And in the next 2 weeks I can relax even more and even more… I'll have another appointment and hopefully get to hear the baby's heartbeat with the Doppler! I'll get to have another ultrasound. I'll get to reach the very important 12-week mark and then finally reach the end of the 1st trimester!!! So I have a lot of positive milestones to carry me through, today was just one of them. So hold on tight, baby, we are almost there! You are so strong, you are so healthy, you are growing and thriving as best you can. We want to meet you so badly, so just keep on hanging in there! Test Results/Ultrasounds: Well, Fifth's disease has been going around Harmony's school, so I went for bloodwork to see if I already have immunity to it. I really hope I do, because if I don't, there's nothing much I can do to prevent getting it, I would just have to be closely monitored if I do to make sure the baby is not negatively affected. Hopefully when the Dr.s office calls me about those results they will also have the other test results back too! I still haven't made up my mind about the ultrasound. When I'm feeling a bit anxious, I really feel like I can't possibly wait any longer than 11.5 weeks. But when I'm feeling more positive, I feel hopeful that I will get to hear the heartbeat in just a couple days and that that will be reassuring enough to be able to wait another week. I think I will call and make an appt. for 11.5 weeks in case I need it but ask if I can reschedule it if I do get to hear the heartbeat on Thursday afternoon. Physical: Well, according to online research, my HCG levels should have peaked by now and started to level off, so I don't know why I feel even more sick and nauseous this week!! I think maybe the heat is getting to me (too bad it's not a little hotter cause then we could put the air on!), because some days I just feel awful almost all day! These days, I am usually feeling sick first thing in the morning (sometimes even by 2, 3, 4am or whatever time I happen to be up for a potty break!), and that lasts until noon or later. Then I'm usually feeling nauseous again before dinner, almost always during dinner, and often into the evenings now too. I'm still eating breakfast foods for lunch (raisin toast is the favourite this week, I've had that and bagels for lunch at least twice each, so most of the week!). As for dinner, I am not really able to eat all of my usual portion most of the time. At least I have not been throwing up every morning! Just gagging, especially if I have to go out and do the groceries because of all the different smells in the store (yuck). This morning I felt so bad because Paul went and gave me a big kiss right after putting on his aftershave, and I just found the smell too overpowering and was throwing up a minute later! It's not that I don't like the smell, it's just that these days it's a little too much. But at least we're seeing the humour in all this. And I'm actually really able to "keep it together" pretty well, even if Harmony is trying to come over and see what's going on. I'm pretty good at saying "I'm fine" even when I'm not so great - I guess I've had enough practice by now! And I haven't complained too much, I am still seeing all this yuckiness as a positive sign that baby is thriving and doing well! Even though it's no picnic, I think I'd rather be nauseous than not, believe it or not, because it does tell me that my hormone levels are still high (which also means they are staying high enough to maintain the pregnancy!). Besides feeling a bit more sick, things haven't changed much since last week. My belly hasn't changed much at all since it "popped" a bit again a couple days before 10 weeks. I guess I'll wait an see when the next little "pop" will be, it really seems to be going in big jumps like that, like everything will get pushed out as much as it can with the space it has, gets pretty taut, and then when more space is needed, my skin just gives another inch! I've only had the two "pops" so far, one right away and one before 10 weeks, so maybe I'll stay this size for another couple weeks. Speaking of size, there are other changes in other areas as well - let's just say I'm officially growing out of my pre-pregnancy bras! I've definitely had sore boobs from the start (gotta be careful of that shower sometimes, ouch), but now I'm noticing more changes, reminding me more of the breasts I had while nursing Harmony than I did before this pregnancy! Glad they are getting ready early, because I really want to breastfeed this baby and hope things go a little more smoothly than they did in those first couple weeks with Harmony. Weight Gain/Food: Ah well, I enjoyed the "only 3lbs" while it lasted. I'm back up to a total gain of 5lbs, but that's okay. I still think I can reach my goal of only gaining 5 for the whole first trimester. As for food, my cravings are still there, but most times I'll be too sick to even think about giving in to them! The "emergency preggie donut" is still in the freezer (although I have been feeling "up" to having a donut or two on more than one occasion!). Emotional: I'm actually feeling pretty great in this department! I have not been all that weepy or sentimental or moody - well, I guess I'd better double-check with my hubby and daughter on that one, but I don't think I've been too moody! Haven't done too many silly things this week either like forgetting keys or anything. Oops, that's not quite true… I should confess that one day last week, I got out of the car in the morning to go inside, and made sure to roll up my window. I remember watching it roll up and being very conscious of making sure to roll it up because it was supposed to rain later. Well, I get back out to the car when it was time to pick up Paul and Harmony and guess what? The passenger side window was completely down and of course the seat was all wet! Luckily Harmony's swim towel was in the car, but still… Okay, but other than that major blunder I haven't been too forgetful or absent-minded. But who knows, maybe I'm getting so absent-minded I don't notice as much - I hope not!
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